Relationship Mrspennington

Even though controlling relationships are almost universally considered to be negative and very undesirable, they are far more prevalant than people realize. They are primarily the by-product of children being raised in homes with one or more controlling parents, and/or a highly unstable environment due to negative events.

The person who is trying to do the controlling is almost always trying to compensate for the “out of control” nature of the environment they grew up in. Internal fears of life spiralling out of control plague people with regular control problems. Their context for life was set in childhood and they often continue living out of that paradigm even though it’s no longer relevant.

The unstable home environment could have been a result of an alcoholic parent(s), an absent workaholic parent(s), the breakdown of the marriage, or some form of physical or emotional abuse. If a parent withholds love and affection as a means of keeping the child under their thumb, this destructive behaviour can carry over into adult relationships and cause a lot of problems.

The person who chooses to marry or date the controller is doing so because of one or a combination of the following reasons. 1. This is what they grew up with and it’s what they’re accustomed to. Although it’s not pleasant, being controlled is strangely comfortable. 2. They are attempting to change the controller, to reform them. This is often done unknowingly. The unconcious intention is to try and repair a disappointing relationship they had with their parent(s). 3. Being in a relationship with a controller makes them look good, because when they measure their own behaviour against the controller’s, they look like their doing a pretty good job of running their life, even though they’re probably not. 4. As times life seems easier while in a relationship with a controller because the controller makes most if not all the decisions for both people. It gives them someone to blame when things don’t work out right because…they didn’t make the decision!?!?

There are a few things to consider if you are looking to steer clear of a controlling relationship.

1. If being controlled is what you are used to, what you grew up with, then it’s vital to realize that “you are not responsible for the environment you grew up in.” In dysfunctional homes, the children tend to take responsibility for the parent’s problematic behaviours. In controlling homes it’s common for the parent(s) to blame the child as a means of off loading responsibility and thus paralyzing the child. In order to drive it deep into your subconcious mind, I suggest you repeat that phrase over and over. “The environment you grew up in was not your responsibility, not your doing.” As importantly, “you are 100% response-able, able to respond, to your life as an adult.” You can learn the skills and run your life well without the need to have a controlling person manipulating you.

2. If it’s your intention to try and reform a controller….please stop. Trying to control something you have no control over is the best possible way to create insanity in an individual. The only control any of us have is over ourselves. We can gain tremendous increases in our sense of control over our own lives if we will spend our time working on our own hangups and misgivings. Efforts to correct a controlling person are really only futile attempts to control them.

3. As an attempt to cover up your lack of personal initiative, don’t hide behind a controlling person’s unhealthy actions to make yourself look good. Find a reason for living that brings joy to you and others. Do some research into your life purpose. Why are you here? We’ve most likely never met, you and I, yet I am quite sure you have abilities and gifts that can be used to make the world a better place to live.

4. Learn how to make decisions for yourself. Being in a relationship with a controlling person can be pretty terrific because they are more than happy to make most if not all the decisions. That seems to make things easy, except that you aren’t developing the habit of making good decisions. This step is primarily about your will and rarely about skill. “But I don’t know how!” you protest. You will learn. Bit by bit, day by day. The process of learning to make better choices is the same as learning any new skill, it gets better and better with more practice. Practice does not make perfect, but it sure makes life a lot more pleasant!

Dating or living with a marijuana addict can be overwhelming. Marijuana addiction will produce turmoil in relationships whether they be with relations, friends or spouses. Folks who smoke pot, tend to hold around with alternative individuals who smoke pot.
This permits the pot user to not feel guilty regarding the amount that they’re smoking. Problems arise in a very relationship when there are different expectations concerning marijuana use, our different levels of use. If you’re sober, hanging out with the one who may be a high constantly isn’t a pleasant experience.
Marijuana addiction forms gradually and gets worse as time goes by. This is often why some people aren’t even aware they have problem. Most potheads will be able to operate well enough in life to get by, however could not remember of how weed is holding them back. They’ll not realize the result that marijuana has had on life, till they take a significant break and are sober for a amount of time.
It is necessary to remember that marijuana is a psychological addiction and that the person you care concerning is captivated with the mental state of being high, and compulsively want to be stoned. This is why they get moody, restless, anxious once they are unable to smoke.
There are two things here. The first scenario is where the marijuana addict is tuned in to their downside and wants to quit, but hasn’t been in a position to. The positive factor concerning the first situation is that you’re able to brazenly speak about the problem and offer support toward the common goal of quitting. The second state of affairs is where the marijuana addict does not wish to admit that they need a drawback or simply a belief that they have a drawback with weed. They may say that people love we tend to, and there is no way that they want to quit. During this case, the road to recovery is abundant rockier.
When you opt to talk to the person concerning their marijuana use, don’t accuse them. Rather, you should explained to them have their marijuana use is affecting you and your relationship with them. You should highlight the positive aspects of quitting marijuana instead of the negative effects you think the drug is having on this persons life. Anyone will learn to prevent smoking marijuana. If you have got a downside with marijuana, or apprehend someone that does and need to assist them, I wish you the most effective of luck. You can make a difference.

Some people, after a couple of months or years of being together, tend to get bored with the relationship. This is a very crucial step in a because it is one of the most common beak up reason. Boredom.

What if your partner loses interest in you? How do you save your relationship from being eaten away by dullness? Here are some tips:

1.Give your partner some space. A change of atmosphere, environment, or company would help a lot. Go on a vacation alone or visit your parents. Let your partner hang out with his/her friends. Giving your partner a space would make him/her re-realize your worth. While doing that, take the opportunity to give yourself a break. Go out. Shop. So that when you get back to each other, you both feel refreshed and happy.
2.Have a makeover. Maybe your partner is getting bored with how you look. He/She must have loved you for what you are, but changing looks adds more excitement to the relationship. It is one of those surprises that would certainly catch him/her off guard and notice you once again.
3.Do not nag. Do not ask where your partner is going after work or what he/she is doing. Do not call up just to check on your partner. Nothing is more irritating than having somebody track your every move. This shows that you do not trust your partner. Trust is one of the main ingredients to a lasting relationship. Without it, any relationship wont work.
4.Try new things. New dishes, new house design, new activities. Novelty adds spice to a boring relationship. You can get new ideas from magazines, forums, chat lines and articles. Try something new every other day or once every week. This would keep your partner guessing what you would be up to next time.
5.Be sensitive. Talk with him. You partner might have some problems but you just do not realize it. Communication is important in a relationship because it opens doors for analysis, improvement and understanding. Let him/her know that you are always ready to listen and help them in any way.
6.Always smile. Nothing brightens up the day than a simple smile. Smile is contagious. Even if your partner feels gloomy, he/she will lighten up when you smile.
7.Show your partner how much you love him/her. You do not have to go to the extent of buying special gifts or giving expensive vacation treats. You can show your love in little ways. Give your partner a back rub after work. Or offer to wash his/her car. Cook his/her favorite food. Scrub his/her back. These little things show that you still care.

If all these fail, then maybe you are not really meant for each other. Keeping a relationship strong takes effort and strategy. You need to have your relationship planned out if you want it work. You should know what to do if a certain instance happens or a problem occurs. But the effort must come from both sides. It just aint worth it if you’re the only one saving the boat. In that case, let go. It means that he/she’s already lost interest. Try again, and make sure it works this time.